Weird

is

abnormal

but

good

Lee Jaedong is just too cool
he is my hero
XoxoxOXox

My sleeping schedule is so messed up, I haven't seen daylight in weeks now. At 6:22 am, I've run out of things to do. Ran out of the booze and cigarettes, friends have fallen asleep, so here I sit reminiscing about what I'm throwing myself into. Maybe I don't know myself as well as I thought I did. We all want to think that we know what we're doing, that we know what we want and how we're going to get it. Maybe I like to hold on to things even though I know that they're fleeting and temperamental. I guess I just like to think that life isn't about how many moments you have, but instead the moments that take your breath away (stole this from hitch). These moments are hard to come by. People always want to believe what they perceive when the visible is not the real. Things that feel so secure and stable are so short-lived.

I have always dealt with my problems on my own. Even as a kid I never tried to find comfort in others. I always told myself that I could make it on my own. Why worry other people who deal with the same fears and insecurities that everyone feels? Why push the burden onto them. So many times I've seen people try to take on the burden that others should bear and fall. When you can't take care of yourself, how do you expect to take care of other people. Why should you be expected to take care of others? It is the saddest thing to see people give their lives for others and fall further than any person that they have ever helped.

I think in the moment. I worry about the future when it comes. I live in the present. All these things combine and allow me to make the worst possible decisions in the long run. In the short run life is great, days are filled with smiles and laughter, but later on theres always that one day where you realize that you should have just stopped and thought through what you really needed. I'd like to think that each time I do this, I come one step closer to changing, but you can never really critique yourself honestly. "Life is the art of drawing without an eraser... Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself" (George Bernard Shaw).

We won't say our goodbyes,
You know it's better that way.
We won't break,
We won't die.
It's just a moment of change.

Lets not do this
say what you need to say

Now about change. I don't really like change. Maybe its the hassle of getting used to new things that distances me from change. Or maybe I just don't like being pulled out of my personal bubble. All I know is change is a lot of work. It causes many unnecessary headaches and problems, internal and external. But Sometimes change is what we need. Many times, we spend monumental amounts of time doing something that in no way whatsoever benefits ourselves. We continue to lose ourselves to the daily routine until one day we realize that we've wasted years on frivolous endeavors that have brought us no closer than we were the first day we approached them. Only after leaving these endeavors behind, do you finally realize who you are and what you can do. you suddenly gain freedom, momentum, and perspective upon life. Life ceases to be like a box of chocolates and suddenly you gain control once again. You begin to realize that sometimes you have to stand on your own two feet and walk. Some may have forgotten to walk alone, They have leaned on others for too long, but in the end it is our nature to make it through

and it is what it is.

This entry is for someone and you will know its you.
I'm going to start off by calling you an idiot,
you're always over thinking what I say.
A lot of the time, you think I'm always picking on you
or making fun of you, when in fact, you're the person
I worry about the most and take care of the most.
Sometimes I might get mad and yell at you
but you know that I dont mean it. Don't take things I
say so heavily. You know what I mean every time I say
something that you think is ridiculous. Simplify things,
you know i'm a complicated and I know you're a complicated
person as well. Lastly, when you mention how I always
say that you blah blah, you know that I think you're a good person
so thus whatever I say has no bearing on you.

so with this I request that I have immunity from your anger from now on