Weird
is
abnormal
but
good
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
My sleeping schedule is so messed up, I haven't seen daylight in weeks now. At 6:22 am, I've run out of things to do. Ran out of the booze and cigarettes, friends have fallen asleep, so here I sit reminiscing about what I'm throwing myself into. Maybe I don't know myself as well as I thought I did. We all want to think that we know what we're doing, that we know what we want and how we're going to get it. Maybe I like to hold on to things even though I know that they're fleeting and temperamental. I guess I just like to think that life isn't about how many moments you have, but instead the moments that take your breath away (stole this from hitch). These moments are hard to come by. People always want to believe what they perceive when the visible is not the real. Things that feel so secure and stable are so short-lived.
I have always dealt with my problems on my own. Even as a kid I never tried to find comfort in others. I always told myself that I could make it on my own. Why worry other people who deal with the same fears and insecurities that everyone feels? Why push the burden onto them. So many times I've seen people try to take on the burden that others should bear and fall. When you can't take care of yourself, how do you expect to take care of other people. Why should you be expected to take care of others? It is the saddest thing to see people give their lives for others and fall further than any person that they have ever helped.
I think in the moment. I worry about the future when it comes. I live in the present. All these things combine and allow me to make the worst possible decisions in the long run. In the short run life is great, days are filled with smiles and laughter, but later on theres always that one day where you realize that you should have just stopped and thought through what you really needed. I'd like to think that each time I do this, I come one step closer to changing, but you can never really critique yourself honestly. "Life is the art of drawing without an eraser... Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself" (George Bernard Shaw).
I have always dealt with my problems on my own. Even as a kid I never tried to find comfort in others. I always told myself that I could make it on my own. Why worry other people who deal with the same fears and insecurities that everyone feels? Why push the burden onto them. So many times I've seen people try to take on the burden that others should bear and fall. When you can't take care of yourself, how do you expect to take care of other people. Why should you be expected to take care of others? It is the saddest thing to see people give their lives for others and fall further than any person that they have ever helped.
I think in the moment. I worry about the future when it comes. I live in the present. All these things combine and allow me to make the worst possible decisions in the long run. In the short run life is great, days are filled with smiles and laughter, but later on theres always that one day where you realize that you should have just stopped and thought through what you really needed. I'd like to think that each time I do this, I come one step closer to changing, but you can never really critique yourself honestly. "Life is the art of drawing without an eraser... Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself" (George Bernard Shaw).
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